Thursday, 2 April 2009

Crazy worries!

I'm the type of person to hold off on worrying about something until it really is a problem. I realize that if something upsetting or bad occurs I will a lot plenty of time to worry about it and address it as is needed. I work hard at staying positive and focusing on what's happening right now that needs my attention. Taking each day as they come. I think Ashley helped me realize the importance of this otherwise I'd worry myself silly about her future and if she is going to walk, talk, be indepentant or who knows what. I don't think I could have pictured how great she is doing right now bum scooting and eating up a storm even three months ago. When she was little the doctors were so worried about pretty much everything, is she getting enough oxygen, is her heart beating too fast for her little body, is she getting enough calories, a cold in that first year could have been deadly. For many months she was not stable enough to come home. I realize then I needed to focus on how to love, care and enjoy her each day and leave some of those other concerns to the Drs. Because there was just to many worries for me to bear or I'd just sink. I choose to swim for my sake and Ashley's. Hence my take each day as it comes outlook and worry about those things I have control over.

However this past week I find myself worried silly about my new baby is he/she okay? I'm concerned if he's moving enough, and is he/she heathly?? When is he going to be ready to meet mommy and daddy? Will I make it to the downtown hospital in time a 40 minute trip with no traffic. It could easily take an hour and half in rush even. As we are traveling to a hospital in downtown Toronto from the suburbs traffic can be crazy in this big city. How quickly is he or she going to come. My second came after only two pushes, and Ashley arrived only 30 minutes or so after we got to the hospital. We didn't rush there I was in labour for a few days actually however I wasn't travelling to downtown then either I had my first three at a hospital close by. I need to stop worrying and relax but I thought it might help to vent a bit. Perhaps I will try sleeping that should help matters as well. I guess most of these concerns are normal but I just want to enjoy these last few days as I don't plan on doing this again. I'm sure. I'd like to feel a lot more excited as I know this is a very special time. I'm extremely lucky to have three fabulous kids that make me extremly happy despite our challenges and another one any day. Patience where are you?

-- Post From My iPod


Michelle said...

Hugs and peace to you, friend. :)

BusyLizzyMom said...

If and when I get pregnant again I will be a ball of endless worry. Having a child with special needs opens up your eyes to all the 'what ifs' and there are so many. What there is more of is healthy children so keep remembering that and hang in there you will meet your new little one in no time.